My boys, when they were teenagers, used to say “If I were in charge of the world, here’s what I’d do.” It usually translated to things like:
- Eliminate homework
- Drink soda for breakfast
- Never make my bed
and
- Play video games all day without mom yelling at me to get-outside-and-get-some-fresh-air!
Well, now it’s my turn. There are so many things about this so-called midlife I embrace and celebrate. But then again, nothing’s perfect, is it? There are many others that I think need changing. And at the end of this post, please chime in with yours. After all, the truth is that we ARE in charge. We just have to let other people know it.
If I were in charge of midlife, here’s what I’d change:
Do you have the power to change things?
(Photos.com)
- Fashion. Don’t tell me I’m “too old” to wear a miniskirt if I still have legs that look good in a miniskirt. After all, I work hard for these legs. But if you think I’m buying those stilettos that I “must” wear with that miniskirt, you’re sadly mistaken. No way am I going to put on something that tortures my feet. I know better by now.
- Ma’am. Please don’t call me “ma’am.” I know to some, it’s endearing and shows respect, but I can’t help but wince each time I hear it. It just makes me feel…old.
- Clothing Stores. When I come in to look at those miniskirts, I’d rather you didn’t look at me like I had three heads, or ask if there is anything you can help me pick out for my daughter. (I don’t even have a daughter.) And please don’t try to flatter me into buying something by telling me it looks fabulous. I’ll only be back next week to return it when I get home and look in the mirror – and reality hits.
- Bars/Restaurants. When I sit down and order a drink because I’m a bit early and waiting for my friend or husband to arrive, what makes you think I’m a woman on the hunt, aka a cougar? I just want to be left alone – except by the bartender, who is ignoring me in favor of the younger man/woman he/she is busy flirting with.
- Hair. I happen to like long hair. I’ve always liked long hair. And especially after losing all my hair when I had chemotherapy years ago, my long hair is even more important to me. So, just because I’m past 50, does that really mean I have to deny myself what I love and cut it to suit an “older woman” better?
- Technology. This is a big one. If you grew up without knowing a language and it was suddenly thrust at you all at once, would you be able to pick it up at warp speed and be as knowledgeable as the people who grew up speaking that language? Of course not. So the next time I ask a “stupid” techie question, or don’t understand your explanation (if you’re even patient enough to give me one), please don’t look at me with disdain and contempt. I’m trying here, I really am.
- My opinion. I swore I’d never say this, but I’ve been alive longer than you and happen to know some things. Experience is a great thing. It helps to teach you the truth of the world, even though those truths can be harsh sometimes. It also helps make you a much wiser person. So the next time I give you my opinion, take a moment to reflect on it rather than roll your eyes. You might learn something.
- Memory. I know a lot of people think that when an older person forgets something, it’s a sign of senility. But I’m not senile. And I sometimes forget things (even you do, too). Rather than senility, forgetting is a sign that I have a lot of things my brain is trying to store, and sometimes the queue is too full, or the cracks widen and things fall into them.
- Driving. I’m a good driver. I’ve gotten two speeding tickets but that’s when I was younger. I learned my lesson the hard way. So if you’re tailgating me in a 40-mph zone because you want to go 50, cut it out. Pass me. But when you do, don’t look at me and shake your head. I may not be clairvoyant, but I know what you’re thinking.
- Menopause. Just because I went through it, don’t look at me like I’m all old and shriveled up. I’m still a vital and young, and I’d like to think I haven’t lost my hipness factor, either.
Okay, your turn. Here’s the challenge. Add your gripe. Let’s get it up to 100!
I like it! I especially hate being called “ma’am.”
Thanks, Nancy. The ma’am thing really sticks in my craw…there’s another saying for ya.
I’d change a few more substantive things like how the mainstream media ignores those in midlife, and the important new research into what we share as a generation! Or the fact that midlife has become an important rite of passage and emotional developmental stage in our lives!
Or the ever increasing suicide rate among those in their 50s and 60s, higher than those older. Boomers are being ignored and written off as a generation….
Great ones – thanks, Laura Lee! Adding them to the list.
I feel like you may have interviewed me while I was sleeping one day! My list would be very similar! I hate rules about clothes – dress how you feel….I know I am midlife – but I plan on leading a BIGlife for a long time!
Amen, Ellen. A BIGlife is a great goal!
When I am empress, children and grandchildren will be REQUIRED to ask questions (and listen to the answers) about the older generations’ life. Not only does it make us feel present and helpful, they will be so grateful that they did when they are approaching our present age.
LOVE this, Vera. I’m so sorry I did not pay better attention to all the rich, wonderful stories my own grandparents regaled me with when I was too young to know better.
I would have taught my children to have more respect for people who have reached old age. That’s what they do in Japan, if I am not mistaken. Old age is right around the corner once middle-age has arrived.
Good one, Alexandra. I agree!
I’d kill the mistaken idea that anyone EVER gets too old to make friends!
Oh, yes. Couldn’t agree with that more. I’m proof of that!
Yes, Irene, that’s a really good and important point. I know firsthand that it is entirely possible to make friends as you get older!
I’d remind people of every age to have more respect for the rhythm of the seasons — and the rhythm of days. Technology notwithstanding, we all still live in a natural word — within our bodies, in daily sunrise and sunset, and in changes in nature through the seasons. All sorts of analogies — and wisdom — to be learned from thinking about those sorts of things.
I’d also remind people of the value of silence, and of listening.
I think when we’re young we don’t notice how quickly time really does pass; thus, we don’t appreciate each day. Well said, Kerry.
Great post – you’re definitely on to something. I really loved this, Sheryl. Each one.
Thanks, Merr. Glad we’re on the same wavelength!
The idea that anything other than a thong = granny panties.
Now, THAT is funny!
Hi Sheryl….
You left yourself wide open on this one 🙂 but you DID ask! So if I were in charge of the Midlife world I would make sure that there was good and inexpensive basic health care for all people on the planet… And yeah…I wrote my latest blog post about it if anyone’s interested!
Amen, Kathy.
Sheryl, I loved this. My list would be a duplicate of much of yours…and everyone else who commented. LOL. And as for the ma’am thing….well, I hate being maamed. Here in the south, it happens a lot too. People think they’re being polite, but it is a knife to the gut, isn’t it? I guess there are worse things though. And polite is good, right? Here I go being a Libra….oh well. You get it.
I totally agree.
If you’re waiting on me at a restaurant, don’t think it’s cute to call me “young lady.” It’s not only not cute — it will decrease your tip.