Last weekend, while on a press trip in Sag Harbor, New York, I did something I never thought I’d do. I’d watched other people do it from a distance, amazed at their bravery, incredulous that they could so easily do something that I found absolutely terrifying. I kept saying never. Nope, not me! Not doing it!
But then there was that moment…that brief moment that my fear moved into that tiny little space somewhere between fear and reason. That tiny little sliver of a space that left itself open to possibilities. My fear took up a brief residence there and decided to keep going and move toward reason. And then it was just me and my paddleboard.
Okay, you may be thinking, so what’s the big deal? It’s just…a paddleboard. And some water.
But here’s the thing: I’m a pitiful swimmer (if I can even call myself a swimmer). I’m terrified of drowning. Maybe that’s how I went out in a past life, I don’t know. And since slipping on some wet tiles and breaking my wrist a few years back, I’m now terrified of falling. And paddleboarding definitely held the dangers of both drowning and falling (not necessarily in that order).
So, what happened? Truth is, I got really tired of feeling scared and decided to do something about it. I thought about how in the past, I’d let fear stop me from doing so many things; how I’d stood by feeling helpless and inadequate and paralyzed by fear. I had one of those what-the-hell moments, took a deep breath, and got up on the paddleboard. It wasn’t as tough as I imagined – physically, anyway.
I was standing! I was rowing! I was staying upright! There I was, paddleboarding! Me!! Amazing.
But then, when I found myself a little too far out from where I began, I panicked. I needed to turn back. I just froze. Fortunately, I had a guide with me, the same guy who encouraged me to try it in the first place. Thankfully, he “got” my fear. He spoke calmly and slowly, instructing me with his gentle voice, telling me how to turn around and head back to shore.
And although that familiar fear crept back in and stopped me (once again) from doing something, I didn’t get down on myself. Because halfway is better than no way, isn’t it? Will I do it again? It’s likely; and if there is a next time, I have to conquer the other half of my fear, and get to the other side of the shore.
How many times have you let fear stop you from trying new things…moving forward…daring yourself to do something? What do you want to conquer? We’re all a so-called work in progress – even after all these years.
I’m determined to keep facing – and conquering – my fears. But just don’t invite me to sky dive. That’s never, ever gonna happen.
Lisa Froman says
Hey girlie, good for you! I’ve always wanted to try paddle boarding. Kudos for pushing past your fears. And please don’t measure how far you went and call it halfway–just getting on the board was an accomplishment. Yay you. I have lots of fears and I am working on shedding them. Used to be afraid to fly but I am better now. I am also afraid of getting lost for some reason….just don’t like not knowing where I am going. LOL. But working through some of that too. New York will be a big adventure for me in a couple of weeks. I will have plenty of chances to get lost…
SherylK says
Okay, now this is getting ridiculous. Is this a Libra thing?? Fear of flying? Me, too. Have gotten better but still not great. And getting lost? OMG…that’s a HUGE one for me. I constantly have dreams that I’m wandering in a parking garage and can’t get out, feeling panicky. Or, that I’m in my car and driving the wrong way (which is kinda like real life!) I’ll bet you don’t get lost in NYC, though. It’s pretty easy; like a grid in most areas. Just do what I do and load a compass ap on your phone. Hope to finally meet you when you’re in my neck of the woods!
Beth Levine says
Hooray for you! I hadn’t realized what a moment that was for you — I would have celebrated more.
SherylK says
I keep my fears a well-guarded secret 🙂 And you thought I was perfect, didn’t you??
Rob K. says
20+ years ago, my wife said I was boring and needed to try something new and exciting. My choices: 1) spending time in one of those underwater shark cages, 2) sky diving, 3) bungee diving and 4) taking a hot air balloon ride. Not big on heights, and def not big on ‘rides’ that move up and down as I am easily motion sick.
I opted for #4 and that summer went hot air ballooning in Colorado near the Rockies. Lemme tell you: going up in what amounts to an oversized wicker laundry basket holding 4 people (my 3 little boys went along) is scary, with all that fire and fuel around you. But I did it, and had a blast, once I relaxed and went with the flow. Oh, and BTW, NEVER doing #’s 1 thru 3. She can divorce me first…hahaha. Paddle boarding sounds pretty tame, but we all have our crosses…
Sheryl says
Hi, Rob – Thanks for stopping by! I give you a lot of credit. Hot air ballooning, while it is probably thrilling and beautiful, is something I’ve never done. I’m sure you can guess why not. In fact, while in Arizona some years ago with my husband and another couple, I let the three of them go off without me while I stayed firmly planted on the ground and watched (in terror, I might add).