Emotions.
(Photos.com)
They can get scary at times, especially if you tend to be the type of person who blurts out what you’re feeling before composing yourself to come up with the best way to say it.
And I’m a pretty emotional person, so I’m afraid I’ve done this -over and over and over again. (Will I never learn?) But it takes me a long time to get there. I always start with trying to be “nice.”
It happened yesterday. My emotions won. But it took a lot for me to finally explode.
As a quick aside, a report came out yesterday from The University of Rochester and The Harvard School of Public Health saying that people who bottle up their feelings have a greater risk of premature death than people who regularly express what they’re thinking.
Since we moved, I’m beginning to change my medical arsenal to more local venues because a). I don’t want to get on I-95 and be aggravated with traffic b). Many of my existing healthcare providers dropped my insurance c). I realized when my husband was sick a few months ago that we really should have local doctors affiliated with nearby hospitals.
So, I started yesterday with a visit to a new dermatologist for a skin check. (Ladies: make sure you do this annually, or even more often if you are freckly, light-skinned and light-eyed, like me).
It was a beautiful day and I decided to take advantage of the fact that I now live in an urban area and could walk. One mile later, I arrived for my 11:00 appointment. The waiting room was jammed.
But when I told the receptionist my name, she look puzzled and her efforts to find my chart, which began as a leisurely finger-stroll through the piles on her desk, became more desperate. Papers flew. She grew agitated.
Finally, she looked up at me, brushing a lock of hair aside. “Your appointment isn’t until 3:15.”
My mistake or theirs? Since I can’t entirely trust my memory lately, I didn’t want to start off the new relationship on an accusatory note. So I decided not to blame either one of us. “No problem,” I said. “I’ll come back later.”
Look on the bright side, I told myself. You get to log another few miles!
I arrived at 3:00 for my 3:15 appointment. To my delight, the waiting room was empty.
“Any chance the doctor can take me early?” I threw in a smile, lest she think me pushy.
“Probably.”
And then. I sat. And sat. I watched the room fill up with patients. I read a magazine. And then another. I checked my Iphone more times than necessary, discovering new aps, editing down my contact list. And in the background, I heard names being called, one after the other…but mine was not one of them.
I paced. I approached the reception desk warily. “Um, my appointment was at 3:15, and it’s now 3:45. Will I be taken soon?”
“Yes.”
I paced some more. I never realized how uncomfortable waiting room chairs could be. By the time the clock struck 4:15, I was officially churning. Beyond pissed. Pacing with more purpose. Ready to leave. Hating our healthcare system for forcing me to leave my former dermatologist who I’d be using for the past 15 years. Mad at myself for leaving her.
“What’s going on?” This time, I wasn’t so meek. And since I wear my emotions on my sleeve face, the receptionist kinda got the message.
I know there’s always a wait at the doctor’s office. I go in with that mindset and I’m usually prepared for it. I am usually calm about it. I bring things to do to make the best use of that time. But something was different yesterday. It was a feeling that I was being somehow overlooked, disregarded, treated differently than the other, established patients. It was a feeling of being violated.
A few minutes later, when I was finally taken in, I was in no mood for niceties. I complained to the nurse, who instructed me to strip down and put on the gown, looking at me blankly. And when the doctor walked in, I’m sure he wasn’t too pleased to see me, either. “What kind of way is this to treat a new patient?” I said. “I’ve been waiting for over an hour! Is this the way your practice always runs things?” (Because if it is, I thought to myself, sayonara).
“Sorry…it was a computer glitch. We’ve been working with a new system, and it just hasn’t been working right.”
Sure.
I laid still, trying to calm down, while his eyes scanned my body for anything unusual and suspect. (If he had scanned my brain, he would have found a lot of activity.)
He scraped off two suspicious moles for biopsy.
“When will I get the results?”
“If you don’t hear from me in 10 days, just assume everything is okay.”
“No, I’ll call you.…I don’t trust your computer system, after all.”
You may also want to read: http://www.healthywomen.org/content/blog-entry/midlife-womans-wish-list-her-medical-team
P.S. I walked home. And by the time I got home, the effects of the extra exercise helped me calm down enough to enjoy a lovely evening.
P.P.S. Don’t forget to let your emotions out. It’s good for your health. Other people may not like it, but that’s the way it goes.
Helene Cohen Bludman says
That’s terrible, and all too common. A few weeks ago I arrived for an appointment. There was one other person in the waiting room who was taken in a few minutes. Maybe 10 minutes later, the nurse took me back, took my vitals, and left the room without saying anything. And there I sat for AN HOUR. Wondering where the hell is the doctor and why isn’t anyone coming in to check on me. Finally, I got dressed and went to the receptionist. I told her I couldn’t wait any longer, and she asked if I wanted to reschedule. I said I would call. And I haven’t. Still steamed.
SherylK says
Goodness, Helene, that’s just plain awful! My stomach is churning just reading about your experience. I can’t blame you for being steamed. I’d be, too!
Mo at Mocadeaux says
I absolutely hate the “If you haven’t heard from us in 10 days assume everything is ok.” I might also not hear from you because you left a message on someone else’s answering machine or my lab results were lost or your staff misfiled the report or, or, or… I appreciate offices that call with all results. And if I don’t hear from the doc’s office I’m calling them. Besides, 10 days is a ridiculous amount of time to wait for a skin biopsy.
SherylK says
I know, I know. That’s why I got so irked…everything went badly, from start to finish (let’s hope the biopsy results are better than that, though!)
Debbie Gruber says
Unfortunately, in a doctor’s office we’re between a rock and a hard place. We don’t want to complain and become “that patient” even when there’s something to complain about.
SherylK says
You’re right, Debbie – I think, though, I DID become “that” patient…but I was so aggravated that I didn’t care! Thanks for dropping in!
Tammy says
Waiting at a docs office has always been a pet peeve of mine. Since I worked for 2 docs 6 years of my life, I’m well aware of the purposeful overbooking they do in anticipation of cancellations. There has always been pity little regards to a patients time. Grrrr. I get it. I’ve taken to always having a good book, an ice tea and tons of time. It helps! Great post!
Irene S. Levine says
I always give doctors the benefit of the doubt because I know there are medical emergencies but this new doctor already disappointed you twice during your first visit. I might think about changing doctors.
SherylK says
I AM thinking about just that, Irene. Or, maybe I should give him a second chance…not entirely sure – yet.
Nancy Monson says
Your story makes MY blood boil, Sheryl! I need that walk.
SherylK says
I hope you took the walk and calmed down by now. Sorry to get your blood boiling, Nancy!
Brette says
I get really frustrated with these kinds of things. Maybe if they actually apologized and felt sorry, but they act as if it’s just too damn bad. They are doing you a favor, after all, by seeing you. And I get really mad at the receptionists who at most have an associates degree, acting as if they are queens of the world with so much power. My son sees a Dr who told me he believes a practice should run on time AND that Drs should not cause any pain. Love this guy. He has a customer service mentality.
SherylK says
Those doctors are few and far between – but what a nice thing to hear from one – so rare! And I agree, the receptionists are the mean gate-keepers many times.
Rosalba Gordon says
I had almost the same situation with my new doctor. The receptionist was cool… not an smile, not a good morning o even a hello! just a dry “hi, do you have an appointment?” The doctor approach wasn’t better… so profesional (cool and dry too). Fast acting (no more than 6 minutes), and after 2 weeks I’m still waiting for the tes results. I’m going with my business somewhere else, but before I’ll stop by his office and speak my mind!
Rob K. says
I’ve certainly had this happen to me more than once over the years. What’s most irritating is that the ‘unspoken’ message is: ” my(the docs) time is more valuable than yours” which, of course, is totally BS. Many years ago, having broken my hand the day before, I went to a new doc. An incredibly long wait..nearly 2 hours with very high level of pain..but nowhere near the aggravation caused by waiting so long. I let the SOB know exactly how I felt. Maybe he was more intimidated because I am male, but he backed down immediately, and my next followup visit, I got in there. Quick!! I think I really embarrassed him by letting him have it. And I made it personal: “your time is no more valuable than mine”…maybe people get that. Time has always been so valuable, but seemingly more so now that I’m 25 years older than I was that day. They are under alot of pressure to see more patients in less time than ever before. My best friend, an opthamologist near Boston, sees more than 40 patients a day…50 on a ‘bad’ day. But with reduced reimbursements to docs, their hand gets forced too…OK, I won’t rant about our health care system too 🙂
SherylK says
Nice to see you here, Rob. I always enjoy your point of view. It’s easy to rant about our healthcare system, especially when you know how many patients practitioners see in a day (50! wow…).
I’m glad you let your doctor know how you felt – 2 hours with a broken hand is just cruel. But unfortunately, there are lots of people who don’t complain, and even if they do, at times it falls on deaf ears.
SherylK says
Rosalba, Are you sure you didn’t go to the SAME doctor as me??
Lois Alter Mark says
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it harder and harder to keep my emotions in. When doctors — or anyone — are running late, I now call them on it and I’ve found that, in general, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I’ve actually switched doctors when this has happened more than once. I realize that the healthcare system is a mess but my time is as valuable as the doctor’s. My husband used to tell the nurses he was going to charge them his hourly rate for waiting!
SherylK says
I agree, Lois, about the squeaky wheel. My problem is that I am always searching for a way to make the squeak sound a bit more pleasant…but when you’re upset about something, it just doesn’t come out that way 🙂
Jennifer Wagner says
This is why I hate going to see doctors. It isn’t the exam that bothers me. It is the way we are treated. Maybe if they didn’t schedule people every 10 minutes, they would have time to squeeze in an emergency. I know, as Rob says above, that they make less money with the health care system now than they used to, but they don’t have to treat us like we are inferior beings. And since they have our phone numbers, can’t their receptionists call if they are very backed up.
SherylK says
I’m with you, Jennifer. Although I have to say that I do have some doctors who are extremely respectful of my time, and hardly ever keep me waiting more than just a few minutes. Unfortunately, that’s not the majority.
Susan Bonifant says
It’s as you said, not the fact that things come up and delays happen, but that you’re somehow expected to be understanding. When I see a doctor now who has kept me waiting in the past, I ask the receptionist if he or she is on time and if it’s more than I can accommodate, I reschedule. Not always possible of course with specialists, but I don’t like the assumption that it isn’t a big problem with my own schedule.
Donna says
If any other business treated its customers the way medical offices treat patients, they would not stay in business. It’s why I brace myself every time I have to go in for a check-up (my doc has kept me waiting for over two hours). At the same time, if I have a pressing medical need, my doctors make the time to squeeze me in at the last minute (probably at the expense of others who had made appointments long in advance). So I try to remind myself to stay calm and be patient. It’s just not always easy!
Ellyn says
This type of behavior seems especially common among dermatologists. My theory is that the patients paying top dollar for botox and restilin (which are not covered by insurance) are given special ( let’s say more rapid) treatment. Those of us there for body scans, eczema or wart removal are at the bottom of the insurance reimbursement food chain. Not fair, just is.
SherylK says
Thanks for visiting, Ellyn. And yes, that’s entirely possible…although a lot of the people getting called in before me did not look like they were there for cosmetic purposes. I do think that I was just out-and-out ignored because I was new. I just couldn’t think of another explanation for it, which angered me even more.
marlen says
Oh boy and I have 5 doctor appts. tomm. It would be nice that doctors had time to speak to you as a person and genuinely care about your problems. I am lucky I do have a couple that do take their time but oh boy do you have to wait to actually get an appointment with them. But I rather wait if I can and get that one on one treatment. I have a feeling that this problem is only going to get worse with our medical situation in this country so we are going to have to be our best advocates and listen to our inner voices. Good Luck ladies.