I have friends of all ages, ranging in age from 20-somethings to 80-somethings. I enjoy them all; time together is always time well spent.
When I’m with the younger ones, I feel like the wise old(er) woman, experienced enough to impart some of my hard-won wisdom upon them. (I never volunteer unless asked. I hate the thought of coming off as pushy or as a know-it-all. That makes me shudder. But asked for my opinion, I will gladly offer it, hoping that I can help).
I’m also not too old to learn something from them, too. And being what I’d like to think of as a keen observer, I never fail to notice that younger or less experienced does not always equal naiveté or ignorance, but instead oftentimes leads me to new revelations, realizations and realities.
When I’m with my older friends, I appreciate that there are always things I can learn from them. I invariably look to them as role models of sorts, kind of like I imagine my younger friends might look upon me. After enjoying our time together, there’s ultimately something I walk away with that warms me and makes me grin and feel eternally grateful for the friendship.
So what have I learned about life, aging and feeling young?
Step out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself. Take tap dancing lessons even though you were born with two left feet. Smile at the meanest-looking stranger you see even though you’re intimidated beyond belief. Ask for a discount even though you’re convinced you are the worst negotiator that ever lived.
Learn as much as you can. Take every opportunity to discover something new. There is something to be learned everywhere you look; you just have to be open to taking it in. You don’t know what you don’t know, so asking questions and being curious can open up a whole new world.
Take care of your body. It’s what makes you breathe, move and feel. No one else is going to take care of it for you. Even if you think they will, they won’t take care of it as well as YOU will. And what you do with it today really, really matters tomorrow.
Be resilient. Life certainly has its challenges, but it is possible to get through them. Knowing this can set you on a path to face what lies ahead. Face it, the longer we live, the more life throws our way. Sometimes, we have to adjust to a “new normal.”
The other choice? Stew, withdraw, complain, lash out. NOT fun.
Avoid and anticipate toxic people. You know what kind of people I mean: they’re manipulative, negative, needy and neurotic (OK, we’re all a little neurotic, but I mean neurotic to the point of focusing on nothing else and letting it dominate everything). They sap your energy. They age you. They feed your frustration. Who needs that? There are too many good people out there to waste your energy on that kind of negativity.
I’m sure there’s more to add to this list; I’d love to see this list grow longer. What’s your take on aging; what you’ve learned… and what you’d like others to know?
I really like the one about avoiding “toxic people.” I would add to this list to try and enjoy each day and to experience nature as much as possible.
I like your addition to the list – thanks! Nature has a way of making us feel happy, and happiness does so much for our health.
I love intergenerational friendships because, as you say, they help you grow in so many different ways.
This comment is from Sarah A., who sent it to me directly after she ran into trouble posting it. I think it’s too valuable to miss, so I posted it myself:
I once heard the saying “some people never grow up, they just grow old”. I have often referred to that whenever I come across those negative, manipulative, needy and neurotic people. It really is true that one doesn’t need those types of people in your life. They bring you down, make you feel insecure, and do nothing for your well being. Life can be tough enough, and you are so right that one should put time and energy into the people who brighten your day instead of clouding it. I am not saying that older people are the downers, for there are so many older people who always have a smile on their face and a constant positive attitude about living life to its fullest. These are the “older” people who are ones we should keep close to us, for they will be there for us always. There are a lot of “younger” people who are just growing older, and not growing up!
PS Love your writings. Can relate to so much!
Younger friends are a gift to people who are aging. For one thing, we can pretend we belong in their age bracket! But the greatest gift that younger people can give to themselves AND to their older friends, is to ask them about their lives. As my mother aged, I saw her slowly become invisible. She had a fascinating history, and people certainly don’t look at a 93-year-old and think “There’s a basketball coach” or “There’s a woman who owned cars all her life and can describe every one of them to you.”
I hate the thought that as I age I become irrelevant to many people–I disappear. If you interact with people twenty or more years older than yourself, you’ll come away saying, “Wow! I never knew that! What a life they had.”
And at any age we need to guard against ageism–judging people by chronology.
I really loved your words, specially ” step out of your comfort zone”. You must be thinking that what’s new in these words? I know ,nothing is new, I have read and heard it many times , but when I read your post i can feel your expression and it touched me. I am very easy going, lean and boring girl. I really need to work out for myself and my future, because i don’t want to be the same anymore.