Credit: Photos.com
Having just emerged from a year filled with disappointment, loss, injury, sadness, pain and more disappointment, I’m determined to make 2013 a better year.
Silly me to think that it’s that easy.
As if these things were under my control.
A girl can wish, right?
Not to be deterred, here’s what I decided is under my control. And I want to share some things that are definitely more realistic:, not just for me, but for anyone out there who wants to be happy (or happier):
Smile – even when that’s the last thing you feel like doing. There something about the act of turning the corners of your mouth up – and science supports this – that transforms your mood. It’s not only contagious when someone else does it, but when you do it yourself, you kind of want to keep it up. Really! Try it. You’ll see.
Master a hobby. Learn a new skill. Learn to knit. Make jewelry. Paint. Play the piano. (That’s something I’ve started – and stopped – since I was probably around eight, when my mother insisted I take lessons – and practice, practice, practice. I liked the lessons well enough, but I hated practicing. So, I quit. And then tried it again when I was a newlywed. And then quit again. And tried it again when…well, you get the picture. Maybe this time, I’ll stick with it?) Mastering something and working through the frustrations, blocks, negative self-talk, etc., takes time. It takes the wind out of your sails at times. But sticking with it and getting it right (not all the time, but even some of the time) can be oh-so-satisfying.
And while you’re at it, express yourself. My friend and fellow writer, Nancy Monson, says this about the art of crafting: “The creative arts, my crafts, keep my hands, heart, and mind busy, and sometimes I think they’re the only things that keep me sane.” Any kind of self-expression, whether it comes from a craft, hobby, dance, music, what-have-you, feels good and is ultimately satisfying to your soul.
Be true to yourself. About a year ago I was a guest at a dinner party where the host was serving meat. But I don’t eat meat. Years ago, I faced a similar circumstance and guess what I did? I ate the meat. And then got really uncomfortable. (If you haven’t eaten meat in 20 years and then try to digest it, strange noises and sensations happen in the abdominal area…not to mention the psychic pain that goes along with that.) But I’m old enough now, in the prime of this so-called midlife, to speak up and not feel funny about doing so. So I did. Sure, the host was a wee bit embarrassed, but I didn’t make a big deal of it and instead, ate a double portion of the rice that was served alongside the meat.
Don’t stoop to someone else’s level. When someone treats me badly, my tendency is to withhold and treat them badly in return. But that feels lousy. And lately I’ve begun to realize that I’m feeling badly twice: not only about their actions toward me, but now I’m also feeling lousy because I’m doing the thing that they do that makes me feel badly. (Did that make sense?) It’s a lose-lose proposition. Being nice, considerate, generous, kind feels right to me. It’s who I am. Usually. So, I’m just gonna do it. (A word of caution, though: That doesn’t mean you can walk all over me. I do have my limits, after all.)
Make it public. If you really are serious about changing, one of the best ways I’ve found is to announce your intention. Out loud. Tell yourself, write it down. But also tell someone else – and you’re more likely to succeed. Very few of us like to let another person down and look like a slacker to them and a failure to ourselves.
Don’t look beyond nature. I have to admit that while I was in the throes of my unhappiness, I had the urge for some retail therapy. And although I knew it would only be a temporary fix and that it wouldn’t last, I went online and ordered a new handbag that was on sale that I really didn’t need anyway. (Oh – those four letters! They always tempt me.) Five days letter, when it was delivered, I had begun feeling a little better; I looked at it and not only didn’t like it but wondered why in the world I ordered it in the first place. That same night, I stepped outside to take the garbage out and glanced up to notice the most magnificent velvety black sky illuminated with stars. That’s what really did the trick and has stuck with me ever since. It filled me more than a handbag ever could.
So, spill. Let’s get the list up to 10, 20, even more. What is it that you want to do – need to do – to be happier? I’m sure there are other ideas floating around out there.
Nancy Monson says
Hi Sheryl,
Excellent topic for the new year–and thanks for quoting me! I whole-heartedly agree that engaging in a hobby or any creative activity can help you be happier. It’s my go-to activity when I’m feeling down. Recently I’ve been taking an online drawing and painting course from http://www.dreamingcolor.com and discovered I can actually draw faces. I never knew that…amazing! The other thing I do to be happier is practice a little meditation–deep breathing and guided meditation apps like “Simply Being” from Meditation Oasis. I’ve got to step that up in the new year. Five minutes here and there is so rejuvenating and calming. Also, walking outside…I agree with the “keep it natural” tip.
SherylK says
Thanks for all your helpful tips, Nancy!
Lou xoxo says
This is my all time favorite post of yours!! Plus I love the picture and if that’s what you look like when you smile, don’t stop!! I feel so inspired now and am ready to dig into life while we still can…you are such a deep and intelligent woman and I love it that you finally figured out how to be true to yourself. You are my inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing…
Enjoy your day!!!
P.S. Should I take up knitting?
SherylK says
Thanks for the feedback, Lou. I think that as we get older we’re able to sort through all our past experiences and figure out what has worked and what hasn’t. Hopefully there will always be something else to try.
P.s. do you think you’d like knitting? I think it’s too sedentary for me, personally.
Brette Sember says
I love all of this and it is all SO true.
SherylK says
Thank you, Brette. Now, I just have to keep reminding myself of these!
Melanie @ Frugal Kiwi says
Buy experiences over “stuff”. You’ll have a good time and then remember it fondly, so you get twice your money.
SherylK says
I love that suggestion, Melanie. I can think of many: skydiving, hot air ballooning…daredevil types of things. (Only problem is that I am a big chicken 🙂
Roxanne @ Champion of My Heart says
Since I’m facing yet another year of potential slog on the worry / grief / eldercare / work front, I’m not exactly in a New Year’s mood, and I don’t make resolutions … BUT I was talking to my DH about it, and he pointed out that while this year may be the same as others that I should pretend some of the good things in my life are NEW. For example, I’ve worked at home since late 1999. He told me that I should remember what it was like to commute and all that, then imagine HOW EXCITED I would be to be working at home. So, I guess the idea is to appreciate in full any GOOD things, even if they’ve been good / steady for a while.
SherylK says
I love that suggestion, Roxanne. It’s kind of what I do when I go into NYC. I’ve been doing it since I’m a kid, and sometimes I forget to look around and really SEE. So, I pretend I’m a tourist seeing it for the first time. My eyes see everything so differently then.
Alexandra says
I could really identify with this post. I liked it so much better than the traditional What-Are-Your-Resolutions because it’s true. I decided to really get down to business and revise a novel, no more procrastination. Making that decision was part of the battle. Now that I have made it, I feel happy.
SherylK says
Good luck with your project, Alexandra. So glad you made that big decision!
Living Large says
That’s too bad that you didn’t like your handbag. I got a book I ordered in the mail the other day and it made me very happy! Nature does it for me, too. I also like to meditate, I always feel much happier afterwards.
SherylK says
Meditation is one thing I have trouble with. And I know how valuable it is to so many things, including our physical and mental health. Maybe I’ll keep trying…it’s bound to sink in at some point.
HeatherL says
This is a fantastic introduction into the new year. My mantra this year is “Try something or more than one something new.”
ruth pennebaker says
I know it’s been said a million times already — but helping another person makes me feel better than anything else.
SherylK says
That is a good one, Ruth. And I think it can’t be said too many times. It’s easy to overlook other people; when things get busy we can all get too self-involved.
Sarah Arndt says
Great post. Got me thinking and I am going to go back to trying new recipes and using my kitchen again! With all the kids out of the house and it has been just my husband and me, we ate out so much last year. Back to cooking healthy and keeping my weight in control. Also going to take more walks with my dog. Once this “cough” leaves me, I am going to spend more time outside with him. You are so right: a breath of fresh crisp air does wonders.
Happy New Year to you and wishing all of us a better year in 2013!
SherylK says
I like your way of thinking, Sarah. I love to go out to eat, but I find that a). I usually eat too much, b). I like my cooking better c). I can’t control all the ingredients like I can do at home. Hope you’re feeling better soon!
merr says
Being in the moment is my biggest takeaway from your post – and that’s a big takeaway. Thank you.
SherylK says
Yes, enjoying what we have now really helps deepen our appreciation, rather than constantly looking back or forward.
Sherry Steiker says
I figured out the best way to make myself happier is to surround myself with friends more often. Emailing, speaking on the phone is not the same as seeing your friends face and speaking to one another in person.
Jane Boursaw says
Thank you! I need this today.
Save My Marriage says
These are all such wonderful tips. I agree with each and every one of them. Recently, I’ve taken on a couple of new hobbies not just for the sake of killing time or just doing something new and casual, I really am putting myself waist deep in learning how to conduct each with a certain degree of mastery—painting and photography. First I wanted to learn how to paint specifically because I wanted to paint certain things that interest me. Next I figured I should really learn to take great pictures because my paintings will be reflective of real life. So I took to the streets and started taking hundreds and hundreds of photos, learning along the way all I needed about color, lighting, shadows, etc. The one inspires the other and I’ve never been happier in my life. I hope more people take your advice and add these golden nuggets into their lives.