I don’t like lying. I don’t do it well, either. But I do realize that there are certain times when it comes in handy. Like when a friend asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?” for instance. You can’t just say, “Yes, as a matter of fact, it really does;” even though that might be the answer. Or, maybe you can. But me? I try hard to say something like, “Well, I’ve seen you wear other things that are more…flattering.” That’s not exactly lying, it’s being diplomatic. Or it’s a semi-lie, similar to – pardon the pun here – skirting the truth.
Credit: Photos.com
As I get older, I’ve noticed that there are two things women are most likely to lie about. One is their age. The other? Their weight. It’s a tricky thing, though, to lie about these things, in my opinion. Let’s take age for example. There’s a lot to keep straight here.
If you lie about your age to someone, you have to be prepared. You’ll need a good mind for math. Because face it: you might have to then come up with the year you were born, so you’ve got to be prepared to do some pretty quick calculations. And you’d better have a memory for certain things like dates: if you lie and tell someone that you born in the 70s, for instance, you’d better not slip and then tell them how you remember the thrill of seeing The Beatles for the very first time on The Ed Sullivan Show, or how exciting it was to cut high school to protest the war in Vietnam. Or how you remember how exciting it was to get your first color TV, or exactly where you were when JFK was shot (I was in the school library with my third-grade teacher, Mrs. Rose.)
But there is definitely one place I have found where it’s not only tempting to lie but downright safe. No one will ever question me. I can choose whatever number I like, depending on my mood that day. I pick a number – any number, be it age or pounds – and it’s perfectly okay.
My secret lying place?
It’s the gym.
You know when you set a program on a cardio machine, and it asks you to input your age and weight? Now, how could you ever be more tempted to lie? No one will look back at you as if to say, “Yeah, right. You think I’m gonna believe that?” No one will stare back at you accusingly askance, eyeing the lines under your eyes or your gray roots, knowing that you are full of shit.
No one will challenge you; it’s like the honor system! The machine is not going to fire you and say, “Get out – your career is over!” like they did to President Nixon when he lied about Watergate.
So, for 30 or 45 minutes, or however long I can stand to exercise that day, I can be 48, even 38 – instead of 58. I can be a lithe 115 pounds instead of… (Did you really think I was going to tell you how much I weighed???)
And I swear, it works. When I’m 38-for-a-day, I run with a bit more energy and gusto than when I’m 58. I have the attitude of a much-younger person. When I’m 115 pounds, I’m lighter on my feet and a lot more agile. My stomach is suddenly flatter.
At the end of the workout, it may be back to reality.
But while I’m at the gym, caught up in my sweet lies, I feel absolutely divine.
What about you – do you lie about your weight and age? If not, have you ever been tempted to?
Irene S. Levine says
What a clever post! Love it!
SherylK says
Thanks, Irene. Glad I could share it with you!
Rosalba Gordon says
I never had an approach to lies this, that’s so funny! definitly I’ll try it. My sister has a younger look and every time that somebody ask how old is she, she invite them to guess. She always get a lot less years. She smile and tell them they rigt! So for some people shes 30, 35,40, on and on!
SherylK says
Your sister is a wise one! Leave it up to the other person to guess – I like that. She’s lucky the other person is usually wrong, too!
Brett Daniels says
When my wife turned 50 she had a really hard time coming to terms with her age and I noticed that out in public she’d fib about her age. I heard about and bought her a book that I thought would help her called “Borderless Broads, New Adventures for the Midlife Woman” by Morgana Morgaine. You can check her out and get the book right from her website, http://www.morganamorgaine.com/. She raves about the book and a few of her friends have read it too. Ever since she finished reading I’ve noticed that she’s much more comfortable and confident in her herself. Thanks for the article!
SherylK says
Thanks for writing, Brett. Sounds like your wife found some wisdom in the book – I’ll definitely check it out.
Living Large says
I love the idea of fooling myself! It’s the mind over matter thing. 🙂 As for lying to others about my age, nope. I’m not ashamed of my age. I think I get it from my mother, she always said, “There’s only one alternative to growing old and to me, growing old is better!”
Kerry Dexter says
I like your apprach to this idea.
I tell the truth about my age when asked in conversation — but I do find (have always found, really) that people tend to add on a lot of stereotypes by age. unfortunately, in the US not many of them concerned with growing older have to do with increasing wisdom. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on any of that, Sheryl
ruth pennebaker says
I lie to the machines, too. They think I’m 35 years old and 150 pounds — neither of which is close. Fooled them.
Otherwise, when it comes to actual human beings, I hate lying. It’s so much easier to tell the truth.
merr says
Oooh, that’s funny! Yes, that would work. Otherwise, nope, I tell it like it is : – )
Margie says
Sheryl, I believe i was iin 4th grade east school when JFK was shot, how were you in 3rd grade? You are making yourself older!
Morgana Morgaine says
You know what? When I turned 60, I decided to be 60 forever. It is an age that just feels good and full and mavenish! When I am asked my age, I just laugh and say: “60 forever”.
I have also been known to ask the person wanting to know my age, why do they? Age is such a dry and brittle concept used to often slot us, is it not? So, I try to add a dash of humor to it and even pull the plug on assumptions any way I can!
Cheers! Morgana Morgaine
Cathy Chester says
Hi, my name is Cathy and I”m 35 years old and 110 pounds. I have blonde hair, a button nose and blue eyes. Oh, wait, I’m looking at an old picture of Christie Brinkley.
Hardy har, har, eh? Seriously, my BIL and SIL live in AZ and asked we not tell their friends that they are over 50 when we visit this fall (my SIL is turning 50 this year). I couldn’t get over their request! Why the heck hide your age? To each his own, I guess….
Fun post, Sheryl. I love typing on your site cause I love this font!
SherylK says
Cathy,Thanks for making me laugh! And hope you continue both liking the font AND typing on the site; I love hearing from you!
Walker Thornton says
Ok. So, I never lie about my age, but I do round down when it comes to weight! Doesn’t make me feel lighter or better–reminds me that I need to lose a few pounds! But, I like what it does for you!
SherylK says
Ha! Good strategy, Walker. It’s amazing what a little white lie does for motivation.