PART ONE.
Just last summer, I was shocked into the harsh reality of realizing just how quickly time passes. I received an invitation to my 40th high school reunion.
How could it be? Was it really that long ago that I was that skinny, self-conscious girl with the tight unwrinkled skin and healthy hair-that-had-never-seen-chemicals? The one who never thought she’d be looking back years later and wishing she still looked half that good??
“Oh, honey, you’ve got to go!” exclaimed hubby. Was he looking to get rid of me for the weekend, or genuinely excited for me?
“No way am I going…not after all this time. No. No. No.” My answer jumped out like a quick reflex.
(My father’s words from years ago echoed in my head. “You’re as stubborn as a mule,” he was fond of saying.)
(Photos.com)
In all 40 years, I had never attended one single reunion. I never had much interest. High school was left best where it was – in the past. Not one for mushy so-called sentimentalities like remembering my wedding anniversary visiting old neighborhoods and reminiscing about the good old days, I had little desire to re-play that scene – the one where I stumbled through life, unhappy, unknowing and bewildered – searching for answers but not knowing where to look.
What’s it all about, Alfie? Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In rarely elicited a giggle. The Manson family added to my anxiety and paranoia. And Woodstock, though tempting, was something that other people did. Cool people. Daring people. People who knew how to have a good time.
And I was convinced that I would be skipping this big reunion as well. So convinced, in fact, that I felt the need to rant write about it. My essay about high school reunions subsequently appeared on More.com .
“…I’ll admit that I’ve been tempted, but I’ve never gone ahead and done it. I have a friend that I graduated with and she has – happily, gleefully – attended some of them. In fact, she undertakes a frantic diet, exercise, beauty and shopping regimen months prior in anticipation of the “big night.” It sounds absolutely exhausting. When she sends me photos, I cringe. I used to know all these people. But who are these people – the ones in the digital photos? I take out my yearbook; my eyes scanning the once-familiar faces then go back to the grown-up versions, searching for any tell-tale beauty marks or bushy eyebrows. But then I realize that today, there’s laser and waxing and those could be totally yesterday’s news, after all…”
And yet. I DID save that yearbook. Maybe high school meant something to me, after all. The invitation opened the doors for all the 1972 graduates who wanted to enter. Old friends searched for me on Facebook. We reconnected; slowly at first, through abbreviated messages. A High School Reunion group was born. People came out of hiding, revealing their new (and improved?) selves. Being a naturally curious kind of person, I was suddenly drawn into particulars like where they lived, what they looked like, their marital status and what they ended up doing with their lives. Had the artistic C become a successful jewelry designer? Did the brainy L go on to rival the genius of Bill Gates? And was S, who was a stunner, still so beautiful? My resistance was wearing down – just a bit – and I was caught on that proverbial fence of indecision.
Little by little, some memories shifted, and I began to recall some my high school years as fun (and since my kids might be reading this, I dare not define “fun,” lest they think their mom doesn’t practice what she always sometimes preaches.
But the other memories – the sad ones – are the ones that linger on the surface and sting the most. My parents went through a painful divorce. I felt ashamed and alone. I’m sure I was a bit depressed, too – but no one back then recognized depression. Genuine or not, Donna Reed was the accepted norm.
Blah, blah, blah, I continued in my anti-reunion rant. Why re-play and revisit the angst and trigger old anxieties of my youth? Since moving away from my home town after college, I hadn’t stayed in touch with anyone except one friend (who sadly died too young). Why dredge up the past?
But then again.. why not?
SCENE FADES TO BLACK.
ANNOUNCER’S VOICE: “TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, WHEN YOU WILL FIND OUT THE OUTCOME TO THIS NAGGING DILEMMA, WHICH CAUSED COUNTLESS SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.
DID SHE…OR DIDN’T SHE??”
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Irene S. Levine says
Well that was a cliff-hanger!
But I have a feeling you went because otherwise there wouldn’t be another chapter 🙂
SherylK says
Well, I do hope you’ll tune in to find out, Irene.
Carol Cassara says
This has been a dilemma for me, too. I’m in touch with the people I want to be in touch with and the rest, really, not necessary for me to hang out with, even for a night.
SherylK says
I hear you, Carol. We do have the ability to choose our friends and weed out the ones we don’t care to spend time with. So, does that mean you have not/will not attend your own reunion?
Lisa Froman says
First, congrats on having a piece on More.com. Very cool Sheryl.
I did go to my 10and 20-year classrooms. At my 10-year reunion I was voted the girl who had changed the most. LOL. I went there tanned and wearing an incredible dress and shoes with my hair all blown out (late 80s reunion).The truth is, I hadn’t changed that much, but I was more confident and people just saw me differently. At my 20-year class reunion I finally had the guts to tell a guy I had had a crush on through all of high school that about my crush. And I walked away in my heels and crocheted dress with all of the swagger and school-girlishness I could muster.
SherylK says
Well, Lisa, I’d say you were bold and confident and kicked ass at both your reunions~ good for you! Didn’t that feel just great??
Rosalba Gordon says
How fortunate you are to have a school reunion coming! Of curse that you have to go. I’m pretty sure that you’re now more beautiful than ever! A confidente and smart woman that stand tall. I wish I could asist at any school reunion… In my country at the end of school it was not picture, no party, nothing to go for. Everything is in my memory but start to fade away. Don’t miss this event, I know that you’ll enjoy.
SherylK says
Make sure you read what happened next, Rosalba…and you’ll find out what I end up doing.
Lynne Miller says
I’ve never been to any of my high school reunions, Sheryl, and I have no regrets at all. High school was no fun. My life got so much better once I graduated and went to college. However, just last week, I connected on Facebook with a high school classmate and we had a friendly live chat on FB. It was a painless blast from the past.
grownandflown says
Sheryl, love the cliff hanger! I hope you decide to go to your reunion so we can hear all about it. I bet your classmates will be vey intrigued with all of the work you are doing in social media and My So-called Midlife. Can’t wait to hear.
SherylK says
Stay tuned, grownandflown. You’ll get the rest of the story.
Beverly Diehl says
I know for many people high school was this big formative cauldron of angst and/or fond memories, but while it wasn’t a great time for me, it wasn’t the worst, either. I got through it, mostly with my nose buried in a book. My closest friends in high school went to other schools. I vaguely remember two teachers – make that three. One of them being a skeevy old creep who used to look down my shirt and pat my shoulder and arm and dropped my grades when I complained about it. I never went to a dance or a football game. Don’t have a yearbook.
For me, there is no reason to go back there. I don’t measure myself against the person I was as a teen, and have no curiosity about what happened to anyone there. YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary).
SherylK says
Ew. The nerve of that skeevy old creep. Sounds like high school was not a memory you’d like to revisit – and you’re perfectly okay with that. Thanks for dropping by and sharing your experience, Beverly!
Mo at Mocadeaux says
I have stayed in close touch with two girlfriends from our high school days in Florida. We have all moved away from our hometown but agreed to meet and attend our 20th reunion. The reunion was a surreal experience beginning with check-in. When I received my badge, it had my name but someone else’s picture. Apparently I didn’t make that big of an impression on my classmates! I’m glad I went to one reunion but that will be it for me!
SherylK says
Hehe. You made me laugh with that story! Thanks for dropping by and sharing your own high school reunion experience.
Janie Emaus says
I’m still friends with five of my high school friends. So, going to a reunion is like spending a girls night out.
Jane Boursaw says
I went to one high school reunion – 10th, I think? – way back when. I haven’t heard of any others since then, so maybe everyone else decided not to have them!
Haralee says
I have not gone to any of my reunions including my 40th. I do stay in touch with friends so I hear. I also live 3,000 miles away and the reunions are at Thanksgiving. New England in November? So much fun was had at the 40th that it was decided to have a 60th birthday party. I will not be attending that either and sadly for those who thought it a good idea at the time, many are not RSVPing and the event might be cancelled. I went with my husband to his 20th. I had a good time, he just so-so. When his 40th came around his comment was, “I just saw them 20 years ago”. He did not go.