Sheryl Kraft

freelance health writer

Never Say Never: What I Learned From My High School Reunion.

Part Deux.

You’ve probably figured it out by now that I went to the big reunion.

I’ll admit: it was tough to come to that decision. I ruminated for months. And then, naturally, I stressed out about what to pack. (But that’s nothing new…I ALWAYS stress out about packing). One thing I knew for sure: I was packing my highest heels. I was so over my height issues – although I’ll always remember the remarks “How’s the weather up there?” and “Run, Spider Legs, Run!” Only they don’t sting the way they used to).

My high school friend, Laurie, brought this photo of me to the reunion. (Thanks, Laurie!)
My high school friend, Laurie, brought this photo of me to the reunion. (Thanks, Laurie!)

Halfway there, I longed to turn around and  head home. Suddenly I had lots of passengers in the car, with loud, pesky voices  pummeling me with things like,  “What the hell are you doing?”  “Why the hell are you going?”  The voices grew louder and louder, until I wanted to pull to the side of the road and fling open the doors and yell “Get the hell out! If you can’t behave, you can walk home!” (Ah, a familiar dialog from when my kids misbehaved in the car when they were little).

But the voices retreated, my foot stayed on the gas pedal and I pushed forward. My so-called older self took over: Fight your fears! Get over it! Grow up!

And up until the moment I stepped into the bar for the pre-party (note to today’s youth: you did not invent that term) I was all jitters, doubting my decision, scared to death of seeing everyone, wondering if anyone would remember me.

The evening was beyond wonderful, and for so many reasons. Here are some things that attending my 40th high school reunion taught me:

  • There’s a level of comfort in seeing old friends that’s tough to explain and even tougher to replicate. I felt the warm and fuzzies seeing my old friends after so many years (a warmth similar to a hot flash, except you revel in it). And suddenly, I remembered all the good times we shared.
  • There’s also a level of discomfort in seeing old non-friends – the ones you never cared for anyway – that is still very much present even after 40 years. Except that after all these years, that discomfort feels almost right, like a gut feeling you’ve grown to trust.
  • The boys, many of whom were shorter than me (self-conscious about my 5’9″ height, I never wore heels back in high school) were now grown men, many of whom were now taller than me. What a surprise that was! (You’re all grown up! I exclaimed to a boy man named Albert. Gotta love those 50’s names. And Albert, who I never knew in high school because I was too shy to talk to some boys, turned out to be a really sweet guy.)
  • It was tough to recognize some of the men. A lot of them had lost their hair, and a bald mature face looks a lot different than a young face that in many cases wasn’t even shaving yet.
  • It was easier to recognize many of the women, since as girls, we practiced – with makeup and hairstyles – looking like women. Many were just more grown-up versions of their younger selves.
  • I am no longer self-conscious about my height. In fact, I no longer feel self-conscious about anything, like  I did back in high school. I know who I am and I’m proud of it.  (Isn’t age a great equalizer?)
  • My fears of feeling nostalgic were realized only in a good way. There was plenty of laughing and reflection and reminiscing about the old days, what we did, where we hung out, how we acted, how we lied to our parents about whose house we were really sleeping at…  oh, never mind. TMI.
  • The biggest shocker was this: When I spoke of my parent’s divorce and how tough it was for me – how I felt embarrassed, ashamed and alone (divorce was so uncommon in the late 60s and early 70s) – everyone looked at me with an expression of shock. Turns out that no one, except for my best friend, had even been aware that my parents had divorced. The stigma and embarrassment I carried with me all through high school was, in retrospect, unfounded- and a huge waste of time, emotion and energy.

It’s one year post-reunion. I just returned from another weekend in my old home town. That’s right – we all had such a fabulous time that a bunch of us decided make it an annual, less “formal” summer event.

Only this time, heading out to my old hometown, my foot was firmly on the gas, with no second thoughts.

“I’m never, never ever going.”

Humbled, I ate my words.

I took my foot out of my mouth…and had a great time, to boot.

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Comments

  2. Sarah Arndt says

    Soooooo glad you came to the reunion and soooo glad you came back again this summer. I am soooo glad we reconnected and I now look forward to sharing more wonderful times. It was fun and I can’t wait until we have another “get together”! Who knows who will show up at the next one!!
    Miss you!!
    Hugs,
    Sarah

  3. merr says

    I’ve been to 3 of my high school reunions and each one was entirely different in how I viewed it, how I felt, etc. I’m looking forward to the next. We had a very large class, so I expect, for some time anyway, the reunions to continue to be big.

    • SherylK says

      I should have consulted you, Merr, so you could have told me what to expect. You are an experienced reunion-goer. Obviously, you enjoy them!

  5. Margie FS says

    I loved your article and sentiments and you know I’m so happy you showed up , twice! Let’s all continue the new old friendships.

  7. Nancy Monson says

    Nice post. It make me think of all the time we waste worrying what other people think of us–when they’re barely thinking of us at all! Life is too short for that anymore, right?

  8. Lisa Froman says

    Ha, and what you didn’t say, and what I suspect is.–.you probably looked better than most of the people there. LOL. P.S. I think 5’9 is awesome. I always wanted to be a little taller (I’m 5’6.) It helps to stretch out the weight.

  9. Arelis Cintron says

    I didn’t go to my first reunion. I figured that all the people I want to see or talk to from high school … well I see and talk to. My friend is trying to convince me to go to the one happening in November of this year…. we’ll see. I wasn’t going to go but now I’m on the fence. Glad you went to yours though!

  11. Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says

    Hi Sheryl….I enjoyed this post and your insights into reunions…they ARE DEFINITELY a learning experience for us all if we’re paying attention. I attended both my 20th and my sorta 4oth (it was held as a 10 year grouping (1970-1979) And I have to say for me the best thing about it was the dancing 🙂 I think that’s because I have remained friends with everyone who I was close to and still see them on occasion (some more than others obviously)…and while it was sorta interesting to see everyone at the reunion that I hadn’t seen in almost 40 years…the brief conversations with them made it obvious why we hadn’t really been friends and would never be. They might be nice and great people but our why of thinking and seeing the world just didn’t jive. I’m glad you had a good experience–but I’m guessing that the ones you’ll get together with in a smaller group are the reason to stay in touch. ~Kathy

    • SherylK says

      Kathy, Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I suspect you’re right – the people you want to see, you will see. But, yes, it is sort of fun to see how the others have “matured.” And any opportunity to dance? Why not!

  12. Ronnie Hammer says

    I did not choose to go to my reunion. I thought the class leaders would be as self-centered as they were before and would make me feel as excluded as they did all those years ago.

    Although they might have been quite surprised at how grown up I’ve become since then!

    • SherylK says

      Well, Ronnie, I guess you have good reasons – and sometimes, it’s just good to leave well enough alone and leave the past behind.
      But just as you’ve grown up, perhaps the class leaders have, too (?)

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