I always thought I did. I was fond of saying things like:
- I need a change
- Life’s more fun when you have new things happening all the time
- Things get so boring when they remain stagnant
And I happen to think that over the years, I’ve embraced typical so-called changes pretty well.
The empty nest? An opportunity for me and my husband to catch up with one another; as well as a natural progression for our sons.
Losing a parent? None of us escapes death, and my father lived a good, long life.
Menopause? After losing two dear friends who never made it that far, I’m lucky to be here to feel those hot flashes and mood swings. Bring it on.
Moving?
Almost done with unpacking!
(Photos.com)
(Are you ready for this?)
If you’ve been following my posts, you might be surprised. After all, so many of you have responded with positive comments – “Good for you for being a glass-half-full-kinda-gal!” – and lauding me as a role model – “I’m going to be watching your progress as I contemplate downsizing,”
I’m having a tough time. It caught me by surprise after the moving-honeymoon is winding to an end, with the last of our cartons being emptied.
(The other night, I had a dream that I was in back in high school. It was the first day of classes and I was lost. I didn’t have my schedule and I couldn’t find my classrooms. Sheer panic.)
I’m missing my routine; “my” places, my route that I could drive practically blindfolded, every curve in the road etched into my memory.
I’m also missing things like:
- My gym.
- My grocery store.
- My bank, dry cleaners, drug store
- Even my mailman.
Maybe it’s that feeling of connectedness that is lacking. Or perhaps it’s lack of a routine (even though I rebel against having one, seeing myself instead as a laid-back version of my younger self).
But this much is true: By midlife, we do become comfortable with… comforts. Comfortable with knowing where we’re heading, how we’ll get there, and what will be there when we arrive.
Don’t get me wrong. Moving is great. It shakes up your comfort systems, forces you to do things like remember lots and lots of details and new names, helps you purge and get rid of all that unnecessary “stuff” that’s accumulated over the years. (I’ve never come so close to considering myself a hoarder…)
But I think I expected to plunge right in and never look back.
There is a bit of routine in me, after all.
And maybe by the time that last carton is unpacked, I’ll know my way around the neighborhood. Not blindfolded, but maybe with one eye open/closed.
Can I do it?
(Photos.com)
Psst…If you missed my post about the entire moving process and what it was really like, you can read it here.
How do you feel about change? What are some ways you’ve dealt with it – good or bad?
I’m the champion at looking back — have always identified with Lot’s wife. I even miss the car we just traded in. And, do you have dreams of your old house, or am I the only house-dreamer around?
Well, Ruth, no dreams – yet. But I guarantee they’ll be entertaining me one night, soon. Sorry you’re missing your car! That made me laugh.
I think I handle change fairly well. I uprooted my life in 1999 for an ailing husband I knew I didn’t love… leaving my friends and support network. I did it, but I could have done a better job of getting immersed in this new town. But, no looking back.
Change can be a wonderful thing as you’ve pointed out… I’m watching your process as I think the next 3-5 years will bring a downsizing for me.
Walker, what a beautiful thing for you to have done. That had to be so difficult. I’d say you have mastered change!
I have always tried to push for change despite my fears, but I always panic during the process. I am hopefully getting better at this as I age.
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Yes, Nancy, I push through my fears as much as I’m capable of, too. But sometimes it gets a bit…challenging, you know?
I love change and get bored if I sit in one place too long. At the same time, I miss the old stuff and always wish I could have all of it in one place. Time travel is the only answer.
Time travel…hmmm. When do we leave??
I always think I want a change, I want to travel, I want to attend more openings/previews/parties, I want to move out-of-state!
But I’m also too sentimental for my own good. When we do sell our house and are ready to move, I will kiss every flower, every tree, every piece of wood, every doorway. We built our house when I was pregnant and looking forward to the life we’d build here. Now that chapter drawing closer to the we-need-to-downsize phase.
In Yiddish I’d say, “I’m plotzing!”
You are not alone, Sheryl, but I’m proud you did it. I am here for moral support. But don’t forget you’ll owe me one!
Wonderful post.
I can see how your house holds so many special feelings for you, Cathy. If you haven’t done so already, take lots of pictures! Those will never fail to cheer you. Try not to plotz too hard 🙂
I think it is very natural to miss some of our routines when we make changes–even VERY good changes. I used to drink a can of soda every single day until I eventually realized all that sugar wasn’t good for my body or my weight–I stopped drinking them but that doesn’t mean I don’t “miss” them now and then. Our comfortable routines are there because they are comfortable–but we might never know a new or better way if we are willing to let go of the old and start looking around for the new or possible. Hopefully your move contains so many wonderful benefits that our old lifestyle just couldn’t provide….so before long you’ll wonder what too you so long 🙂 ~Kathy
What I find the most difficult is leaving friends behind. But then when I moved, it was across the ocean from Europe.
I don’t think I embrace change very well. I tend to look back a lot. And many – I would say most of — my dreams take place in my old room at my parents’ house. I don’t know what that means. Probably that I look back a lot.
In general I love change. We have moved 8 times since we were married (the longest from Ohio to Arizona), but the last one was really difficult, because I wasnt moving “up”. I was downsizing. And no matter how practical, and how I tried to throw myself into redecorating, I still hate it after ten years. Sometimes it just isn’t the RIGHT change. Unfortunately, I think the changes of aging all seem to entail giving something up.
We’ve moved 6 times in the past 7 years – three times across the Pacific. That after having lived in the same county for a quarter of a century, the same state for nearly 40 years. I think I’m learning to roll with it!
There’s absolutely an adjustment period, though. I hope you start feeling at home soon!
I totally relate. I have found the most bittersweet part of moving is the time when one place is left behind, the other not quite feeling like home yet.
I think we need time to accommodate to change. I better you are back in the saddle in your new place by now:-)